


dogs in sunglasses

by evotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BACKGROUND alice and frank like it's literally mentioned once, Cookies, Corgis, F/M, LILY EVANS IS TERRIBLE AT MARIO KART AND HAS NO SELF CONTROL, Mario Kart, Social Media AU, another social media au, i promise u'll at least slightly enjoy reading this one, i swear this one's subpar, jily, lily is still a meme master tbh, lily lives w the boys, lily loves dogs, lily will pick a corgi over james potter any day, lilys mum? cookie lifesaver, peter pettigrew who??? i'm sorry, rosmerta is mentioned briefly but doesnt actually make an appearance, same with frank, shoes are thrown, someone almost dies but doesn't, thank u for reading, they cant afford a pet but they keep one anyway, this one is jily only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 20:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12154617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/pseuds/evotter
Summary: in which Lily is banned from Mario Kart, Ruth Evans makes the best cookies, and Sirius finds a turtle that Lily names Admiral Ackbar and keeps in the flat (even if Remus insists it's not their pet).





	dogs in sunglasses

**Author's Note:**

> another one of these bc i'm complete trash rip

**Lily Evans** to  **Marlene McKinnon** : so

**Lily Evans** : day 1 of living with boys

**Lily Evans** : marls i dont know how to feel

**Marlene McKinnon:** you did this to yourself

**Lily Evans** : fuck off i know i did

**Marlene McKinnon** : you’re too far gone, lils

**Lily Evans** : fuck off i know i am

**Lily Evans** to  **James Potter** : heeeeeeeeeeeeey

**James Potter** : no

**Lily Evans** : u dont even know what i want

**James Potter** : no

**Lily Evans** : i’ll literally give u anything

**James Potter** : no

**Lily Evans** renamed the chat  **james is an asshole**

**Sirius Black** : You threw a bloody remote at his head

**James Potter** : and a shoe!

**Sirius Black** : And all he was doing was beating you in Mario Kart, Lils

**Lily Evans** : he knocked me off rainbow road

**Lily Evans** : he knew what he was doing

**Lily Evans** : he deserved what he got

**Lily Evans** : pls just let me play again

**Remus Lupin** : It happened two days ago, Lil. Give it time

**Lily Evans** : :(

**Lily Evans** to  **just toast ur fuckin bagels** : am i trustworthy during mario kart??????

**Marlene McKinnon** : no

**Mary Macdonald** : never

**Dorcas Meadowes** : Hell no

**Alice Fortescue** : eh…

**Lily Evans** renamed the chat  **fake friends**

**Marlene McKinnon** : you have thrown something at each of us during a game of mario kart

**Lily Evans** : listen

**Lily Evans** : im just competitive

**Lily Evans** : i dont mean anything by it

**Dorcas Meadowes** : Course you don’t, love

**Dorcas Meadowes** : But you still throw it

**Lily Evans** : ugh

**Lily Evans** to  **James Potter** : im sorry for throwing a stupid remote at ur stupid head

**James Potter** : wow

**James Potter** : if i squint and look away from my phone screen, that almost sounds genuine

**Lily Evans** : fuck off

**Lily Evans** : im moving out

**James Potter** : no ur not

**Lily Evans** : wow how convincing

**James Potter** : u love living here

**Lily Evans** : i feel like i was forced to move in against my will

**James Potter** : we were joking when we first asked

**Lily Evans** : gee, thanks

**Lily Evans** to  **Remus Lupin** : are u guys doing cute christmas cards

**Remus Lupin** : What? No

**Lily Evans** : brill

**Remus Lupin** : …Why?

**Lily Evans** : just come to the girls’ flat and bring ur boyfriend

**Lily Evans** : and bring his boyfriend too

**Lily Evans** : and bring the turtle we found yesterday if hes not dead yet

**Remus Lupin** : These are all high demands

**Lily Evans** : theyre all in the same flat as u r

**Remus Lupin** : Ah but you forget, Lily, that they’re all lazy and it’s almost 5 o’clock

**Lily Evans** : tell them all to get fucked and get over here or i’ll throw remotes at them when they least expect it

**Lily Evans** : put the fear of god into them, remus

**Lily Evans** : you can do it

**Remus Lupin** to  **Sirius Black** : Get up

**Sirius Black** : But whhhhhyyyy

**Remus Lupin** : Lily needs us to go over to the girls’ flat

**Remus Lupin** : She was oddly non-verbal about why, exactly

**Remus Lupin** : But she threatened spontaneous remote attacks on all of us so we should get going

**Sirius Black** : All of us???

**Sirius Black** : Even thE TURTLE?

**Remus Lupin** : Unfortunately, yes, even the turtle

**Sirius Black** : We need to name him

**Remus Lupin** : He’s not our pet

**Sirius Black** : He is now

**Remus Lupin** : We can’t afford a pet, Sirius

**Remus Lupin** to  **MERRY CHRYSLER LOSERS** : Someone back me up here

**Remus Lupin** : Tell Sirius we can’t afford a pet

**James Potter** : why would we get another pet

**James Potter** : we’ve already got sirius

**Sirius Black** : We’ve already adopted the turtle, Jimbo

**James Potter** : oh we’re talking about the turtle?

**Lily Evans** : i want to name him admiral ackbar

**Sirius Black** : No

**Lily Evans** : well why tf not

**Sirius Black** : Bc that’s a trap, that’s why

**Lily Evans** : :o

**Lily Evans** : did u just

**Lily Evans** : sirius im in love with u

**Remus Lupin** : How hurtful

**Remus Lupin** : I thought you were in love with me, Lil

**Lily Evans** : oh, i am

**Lily Evans** : dont u worry

**Lily Evans** : give it a few hours and then i wont be in love with sirius anymore, probably

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : what are you doin rn

**Lily Evans** : watching dogs in sunglasses hbu

**James Potter** : is that the bit from james corden

**Lily Evans** : yes and its legendary

**James Potter** : somehow i really doubt that

**Lily Evans** : theyre all cuter than u

**James Potter** : :o

**James Potter** : i cannot believe you just said that

**Lily Evans** : well i did so…..fight me

**James Potter** : i was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out but now i don’t want to hang out with you if you think dogs in sunglasses are cuter than me

**Lily Evans** : well good bc i wasnt going to hang out with u because dogs in sunglasses are cuter than u?? ?

**James Potter** : i cannot believe,,,the disrespect

**Lily Evans** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Lily Evans sent a photo.**

**Lily Evans** : it’s a fuckin corgi, jem

**Lily Evans** : in sunglasses

**Lily Evans** : and a beER CAN

**James Potter** : ...omg

**Lily Evans** : u think hes cuter than u dont u

**James Potter** : piss off evans

**Lily Evans** : :)

**James Potter** to  **aquaman is IRRELEVANT, remus** : guYS look at this cute video of dogs in sunglasses omg

**James Potter** : also lily just called me cute? i think?? ???

**Sirius Black** : Impossible. Lily’s in love with me she can’t call you cute

**Remus Lupin** to  **Lily Evans** : Are you still in love with Sirius?

**Lily Evans** : nah lol

**Lily Evans** : ….why, is he asking about me ;)

**Remus Lupin** **sent a photo.**

**Sirius Black** : :o

**Sirius Black** : BETRAYAL

**James Potter** : so she DID call me cute!!!

**James Potter** : well, she said the dogs were cuter than me

**James Potter** : but she still thinks i’m cute

**Sirius Black** : Mate you’re fucked

**James Potter** : ha

**James Potter** : yeah

**Lily Evans** to  **James Potter** : helloooooo

**James Potter** : omg

**James Potter** : no

**Lily Evans** : it’s been FIVE MONTHS, james

**Lily Evans** : i haven’t thrown a remote at anyone since The Incident

**James Potter** : i still don’t trust you

**Lily Evans** : um??? ?? disrespectful i am a very trustworthy person

**/seen by James Potter**

**Lily Evans** renamed the chat  **james is still an asshole** .

/ **seen by James Potter, Sirius Black**

**Lily Evans** to  **fake friends** : so james hasnt answered my messages in like 5 hours and im kind of concerned

**Marlene McKinnon** : ...maybe he’s busy?

**Lily Evans** : this sounds super superficial or whatever but he always answers my messages usually with an emoji if he doesnt know what to say

**Lily Evans** : i dont think sirius or remus have heard from him either but im not sure

**Remus Lupin** to  **Lily Evans** : Come back to the flat

**Lily Evans** : is everything okay????

**Remus Lupin** : Idk. Sirius and James ran out earlier and haven’t responded to any of my messages

**Lily Evans** : shit

**Lily Evans** : im comin

**Lily Evans** : did u feed admiral ackbar

**Remus Lupin** : He’s not our pet

**Lily Evans** : we’ve had him since christmas he’s definitely our pet now

**Remus Lupin** : Sigh

**James Potter** to  **james is still an asshole** : sirius and i won’t be home for a couple days

**Remus Lupin** : Okay. Is everything okay?

**James Potter** : dad had another heart attack and it’s not looking great this time. we’re staying with mum until we hear more

**Remus Lupin** : Omg. Yeah for sure. Give your mum our love

**Remus Lupin** : We’re here if you need anything

**Remus Lupin** : I hope everything turns out okay

**James Potter** : thanks, mate

**James Potter** : i really appreciate it

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : how did you do it

**James Potter** : how did you sit around for almost a year knowing what was probably going to happen and just...survive through that

**James Potter** : at 14, no less

**James Potter** : i’m fucking 20 and i feel like i’m falling apart

**James Potter** : and who fucking knows, he might be okay after this and then i’m worrying for nothing

**James Potter** : i don’t know what to do

**Lily Evans** : are you at ur mums

**James Potter** : yeah

**Lily Evans** : sit tight for 20 mins

**James Potter** : it’s 2 in the morning

**Lily Evans** : time isnt real

**Lily Evans** : 15 minutes away

**James Potter** : don’t text and drive idiot

**Lily Evans** : impossible i dont do that

**James Potter created a poll** in  **james is still an asshole** :  **does lily text and drive.**

**Lily Evans** voted  **no** .

**James Potter** voted  **yes** .

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : sirius and remus are still asleep so i guess we can’t solve this until the morning

**Lily Evans** : 10 mins

**James Potter** : EVANS

**James Potter** : GET OFF YOUR PHONE

**Lily Evans** : fuk u obama made me do this

**James Potter** : can’t believe you’re quoting a vine right now vine is dead

**Lily Evans** : How dare you say that to me

**James Potter** : ...r u speak texting

**Lily Evans** : No of course not

**James Potter** : your grammar and spelling is shit when you text unless you’re using speech text

**Lily Evans** : …………..damn ur good

**Lily Evans** : also im outside 

**Lily Evans** to  **jelly donuts are for sinners** : mary u owe marlene a tenner

**Mary Macdonald** : ...I do? Why?

**Marlene McKinnon** : oh lily

**Lily Evans** : i fuckin like james potter 

**Lily Evans** : actually, i think i also owe marls a tenner

**Marlene McKinnon** : you owe me more than that, actually

**Lily Evans** : i had no cash on me and admiral ackbar needed FOOD, okay

**Lily Evans** : how can u not b willing to provide for him

**Marlene McKinnon** : is he even actually your pet?

**Lily Evans** : WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT

**Lily Evans** : weve had him since christmas so YES he is our pet

**Remus Lupin** voted  **yes** in the  **poll** : **does lily text and drive.**

**Sirius Black** voted  **yes** in the  **poll** :  **does lily text and drive.**

**Lily Evans** : im taking admiral ackbar and moving out

**Remus Lupin** : How many times has she made that threat?

**Lily Evans** : i MEAN IT this time lupin

**Sirius Black** : No u don’t

**Lily Evans** : :(

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : thanks for last night

**James Potter** : this morning?

**James Potter** : whatever you know what i mean

**Lily Evans** : i do

**Lily Evans** : anytime, jem

**Lily Evans** : let me kno if u need anything

**James Potter** : will do

**Lily Evans** to  **jelly donuts are for sinners** : i need a drink

**Lily Evans** : or five

**Marlene McKinnon** : i’m finishing up with a client and then we can go to three broomsticks if you want

**Lily Evans** : pls

**Lily Evans** : anyone else free?

**Mary Macdonald** : I am! actually I can meet now

**Dorcas Meadowes** : Alice and I are actually hanging out right now, so we can both meet in about five minutes :)

**Lily Evans** : wot!!! alice isnt on a date w frank?????

**Dorcas Meadowes** : She says shut up

**Lily Evans** : say it 2 my FACE alice. or TEXT IT TO MY FACE

**Dorcas Meadowes** : Alice lost her phone

**Lily Evans** : omg again????? 

**Dorcas Meadowes** : She says shut up again

**Dorcas Meadowes** : But yeah. She says it might be at Frank’s, actually

**Lily Evans** :  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Mary Macdonald** : lily please never send that face again

**Lily Evans** : ugh fine

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : he’s going to be okay. they’re keeping him for another night just to run more tests, but

**James Potter** : he’s still here

**Lily Evans** : ohthank god

**Lily Evans** : im so glad

**Lily Evans** : hey do yuo wan t company 

**James Potter** : …

**James Potter** : are you drunk?

**Lily Evans** : teensy bit

**Lily Evans** : im at 3broomsticks w the girls

**Lily Evans** : u can defo joinu sif you w ant to

**Lily Evans** : i already textd remus

**James Potter** : it’s okay. i just think i need to calm down. i’ve been freaking out for days and i just need a night to myself

**Lily Evans** : listen

**Lily Evans** : being alone right now is not when you need

**Lily Evans** : i mean. it can be. but ur dads ok, and that sall that matters rn, and i know ur stil scared, but we r here fo ru

**Lily Evans** : but if ur really sure abt staying by urself, i wont tell u otherwise

**James Potter** : i don’t want to leave my mum alone

**James Potter** : wait is that your mum down the hall

**Lily Evans** : er yeaaaaaah

**Lily Evans** : i told her what was going on. she kind of took it upno herself to be there for euphemia

**Lily Evans** : *upon

**James Potter** : you did that?

**Lily Evans** : should i not have

**Lily Evans** : im sorry i jsut thought she would b abl eot help

**/seen by James Potter**

**Lily Evans** to  **we owe rosmerta a lot of money** : what if cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave and her name was mozzerella

**Remus Lupin** : Don’t ever text this group chat again you have terrible ideas

**Sirius Black** : why is that the group name

**Remus Lupin** : Because we owe her a lot of money

**Remus Lupin** : ‘We’ being Sirius, Lily, Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, Alice, and Emmeline Vance

**Lily Evans** : emmeline vance?

**Lily Evans** : i dont remember inviting her

**Remus Lupin** **sent a video.**

**Lily Evans** : oh my god how drunk was i

**Remus Lupin** : The drunkest

**Lily Evans** : well i hope emmeline remembers that we invited her lol we’ve been trying to add her to our group for ages now

**Remus Lupin** : She didn’t drink much so hopefully she does

**Lily Evans** : will u delete that video

**Remus Lupin** : Never

**Lily Evans** : dont make me cry

**Remus Lupin** : You’d cry over that?

**Lily Evans** : i am very hungover

**Lily Evans** : i will inevitably cry over something today

**Remus Lupin** : Don’t do it until I’m there with my phone

**Lily Evans** : you are the worst

**Sirius Black** : How much do we owe Rosmerta

**Remus Lupin** : A bloody lot. That’s all she told me when we were leaving

**Sirius Black** : Why didn’t we just pay her before we left?

**Remus Lupin** : Oh we did

**Sirius Black** : Then why do we owe her a lot of money?

**Remus Lupin** : Because she put up with us for hours last night

**Sirius Black** : Hmm true true

**Lily Evans** to  **Marlene McKinnon** : so its been like 2 days since james responded to me and the last thing i told him is that i told ruth about what was going on bc she knows exactly what james’s mum was facing. and thankfully fleamont’s gonna b okay but euphemia was still really torn up abt it all and i just thought my mom could help

**Lily Evans** : god i should never have agreed to move in with the boys when they asked

**Lily Evans** : and they were fucking joking when they asked me anyway

**Lily Evans** : cant believe i ended up here

**Marlene McKinnon** : i can

**Marlene McKinnon** : lily, if you actually believe the boys were joking when they asked you to move in then you must be dafter than i have ever thought

**Lily Evans** : hey :(

**Marlene McKinnon** : but i mean it

**Marlene McKinnon** : i mean, yeah sure they teased you for a few years, but c’mon

**Marlene McKinnon** : they’re also your best friends and you’re theirs

**Marlene McKinnon** : hell, they even let you keep that fucking turtle

**Lily Evans** : sirius found admiral ackbar

**Marlene McKinnon** : you named it

**Marlene McKinnon** : AND they let you play mario kart again

**Lily Evans** : no they didnt im still on probation

**Marlene McKinnon** : well they said they were going to let you play mario kart

**Lily Evans** : i appreciate u trying to make me feel better but idk a lot of things have gone to shit and i think i should just move out

**Lily Evans** : if i move in w u and mary ur rent would be less per month

**Marlene McKinnon** : lily

**Lily Evans** : ughhhafhjdskghh

**Marlene McKinnon** : hard same

**Lily Evans** to  **James Potter** : hey so i totally understand if telling my mom about what was going on was totally out of line, it wasnt my business to say anything bc its not my situation. i was only trying to help

**James Potter** : no hey

**James Potter** : i’ll admit i was a little mad at first

**James Potter** : bc yeah it really isn’t your situation and none of your business

**James Potter** : but ur mom really helped

**James Potter** : i don’t know what she said to my mom but this is the best she’s been after being in a hospital all day. like. she just seems more at peace 

**James Potter** : and i mean

**James Potter** : ruth brought cookies so i can’t hold a grudge against her

**Lily Evans** : the cookies were my idea i knew they were ur fave

**James Potter** : god evans

**James Potter** : i can’t hold a grudge against you either

**Lily Evans** : im sorry

**James Potter** : it’s okay. really. 

**Lily Evans** : :)

**Lily Evans** : well on the bright side

**Lily Evans** : there’s a new segment of dogs in sunglasses out

**James Potter** : brb watching immediately

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : hey my dad was actually wondering if you and ruth wanted to come over for dinner

**James Potter** : he’s been recovering really well and so moms making his favorite

**James Potter** : takeout pizza

**Lily Evans** : i love fleamont

**Lily Evans** : ring up the order and my mum and i will pick it up on our way over

**Lily Evans** : and we will bring cookies

**James Potter** : where would i be without you

**James Potter** to  **Stop calling me moon moon, Sirius** : im in love with her

**Sirius Black** : Ya…….we all knew that

**James Potter** created the private event  **mario kart party b there or get fucked** .

**James Potter** invited  **Lily Evans, Sirius Black,** and  **6** others.

**James Potter** added a location:  **the best flat ever**

 

**Marlene McKinnon** posted in  **mario kart party b there or get fucked** : umm i think you’ve confused the location there mate. mary and i didn’t agree to hosting any party

**James Potter** commented: uninvited

**Lily Evans** posted in  **mario kart party b there or get fucked** : does…...does this mean…...

**James Potter** commented: yes

**Sirius Black** commented: Against the MAJORITY VOTE

**James Potter** commented: shut up sirius we literally all said lily could get her mario kart privileges back

**Sirius Black** commented: I take it back

**Lily Evans** commented: still mad im not in love w u anymore, i take it? ;)

**Sirius Black** commented: No

**Sirius Black** commented: NOT EVERYTHING’S ABOUT YOU, EVANS

**Lily Evans** commented: someones looking to get a remote chucked at his face

**James Potter** commented: if you throw another remote you will be banned mario kart privileges for the rest of your life

**Lily Evans** commented: #rude

**James Potter** to  **Lily Evans** : hey 

**James Potter** : what are you doin rn

**Lily Evans** : watching dogs in sunglasses 

**James Potter** : how many times have you watched those

**Lily Evans** : listen

**Lily Evans** : i love dogs

**Lily Evans** : i love sunglasses

**Lily Evans** : let me live, james

**James Potter** : fine nvm then

**Lily Evans** : no wat were u gonna ask

**James Potter** : if u wanted to get lunch

**Lily Evans** : if this isnt a date then im not going

**James Potter** : ....it’s a date

**Lily Evans** : cool. meet u in the living room in 5 mins

**Lily Evans** : i just have to finish this video

**James Potter** : loser

**James Potter** : see you in 5 x

__


End file.
